


House Rules

by Roshwen



Category: The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-02 11:26:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12725745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roshwen/pseuds/Roshwen
Summary: When you are working with four highly intelligent Librarians, one immortal Knight of the Round Table and one ex-NATO officer who tries to keep everybody in one piece, you are going to need some rules.Like these ones.





	House Rules

**Author's Note:**

> The title may or may not have been inspired by a certain Kane song, whoops. Anyway, I might expand this later on if I can think of some more rules. Any headcanons you care to throw my way, hit me up on [tumblr](https://hedgehog-o-brien.tumblr.com)!

  1. Food and drink are allowed in the Annex, but _not_ in the Library.
  2. No running when not on a case.
  3. No shouting when not on a case.
  4. No country music in the Annex.
  5. No eclectic techno mixes in the Annex.
  6. Music genres allowed in the Annex: classical music, Broadway classics, mainstream pop music (if Jenkins isn’t there) and Leonard Cohen. Everything else is put to a democratic vote.
  7. Try to clean your desk at least once a week. There’s a dishwasher in the kitchen, you don’t need to have an IQ of 190 to pick your coffee cups up and take them there.
  8. Do not go into the Library without telling anyone where you are going and when you expect to be back. Some wings are a long way away and we do not want to go on another rescue mission because _someone_ got distracted by the Native American Artefacts wing _._
  9. Or Ada Lovelace’s original notebooks.
  10. If Ezekiel needs to be in the Library for more than fifteen minutes, he is _not_ to go unattended.
  11. If Flynn has been in the Library for over an hour, he has probably forgotten why he went in in the first place. Go and remind him, or, depending on how long the case has been dragging on, go and see if he hasn’t fallen asleep somewhere.
  12. Jenkins disappears into the Library sometimes for a couple of hours. Don’t ask why and don’t go looking. He’ll come back eventually.
  13. If a case involves kids, let Jake handle them. _Do not_ let Cassandra handle them, unless absolutely necessary.
  14. If a case involves animals or magical creatures, step back and let Ezekiel handle it. If he can’t do it, call Jenkins.
  15. If a case involves figures of authority (police, the army, high power politicians etc.), Eve’s NATO badge should be enough. If not, let them talk to Cassandra for five minutes. You shouldn’t have any problems after that.
  16. If Cassandra is wearing sunglasses indoors, keep the lights low and your voices lower. If she is wearing sunglasses and taking painkillers, take her home immediately.
  17. _DO NOT_ call a doctor for Cassandra or take her to the hospital without express permission if it’s not immediately life threatening.
  18. If Ezekiel looks jittery, stay where he can see you and don’t shout or make any sudden movements.
  19. Also, if Ezekiel suddenly asks you to come with him to the Library, go with him. Even if he just wants to walk around between the bookshelves in silence, don't say anything but instead point out the interesting books and artefacts along the way. When he's ready to go back, he'll tell you.
  20. If Eve comes in with a hangover on Monday morning, that’s okay. If she comes in with a hangover on any other day, call Flynn.
  21. Jake will get a phone call from his family about once a week. He will spent the rest of the day in the gym punching things. Do not try to come between him and the punching bag unless the world is about to implode.
  22. ~~No PDA in the Annex / Keep the PDA in the Annex to a minimum~~ / If you need a break please go find a quiet corner in the Library and don’t come back until you’ve got all your clothes back on. ~~~~
  23. One Annex Movie Night a week is enough. ~~~~
  24. Ezekiel is not allowed to watch heist movies. ~~~~
  25. Jake is only allowed to pick one foreign movie every month. ~~~~
  26. If you let Cassandra watch a Nicholas Sparks movie, you’re responsible for picking up the pieces. ~~~~
  27. If Jenkins joins movie night, King Arthur movies are out. _Especially_ Monty Python and the Holy Grail _Ezekiel_ because that was _not funny._ ~~~~
  28. ~~Okay it was a little funny~~
  29. If Eve and Flynn join movie night, war movies are out. As is the Indiana Jones franchise. ~~~~
  30. If a case takes place in Oklahoma, Jake will need specific details before heading out.
  31. If a case takes place in London, Melbourne, or Antwerp, Ezekiel will disappear for a couple of hours afterwards. Don’t ask. He’ll come back.
  32. If a case takes place in New York, keep Cassandra away from Broadway. You won’t be able to, but please try anyway.
  33. Eve won’t go to Amsterdam. It has nothing to do with NATO and everything with a terrible, _terrible_ hen party. Don’t ask for more details if you don’t want to get punched in the face.
  34. When you’re abroad, don’t let Jake speak the local language to Cassandra until _after_ the case is wrapped up.
  35. And even after the case is wrapped up, don’t let Jake speak French to Cassandra when she’s at work. It’s cheating.
  36. When she’s not at work, it’s perfectly okay though. Encouraged, even.
  37. Just remember rule #18.
  38. The jar in the kitchen cupboard labeled ‘Proper Tea of Ezekiel Jones’ is off limits. To everyone.
  39. Jake’s lunch always looks like it could feed a small village and yes, he will notice if something is missing. So don’t even try.
  40. Make _sure_ Eve will not run out of coffee. Even if you have to buy the stuff yourself. No one wants to see Eve go through caffeine withdrawal.
  41. Also keep an eye on Cassandra’s chocolate stash. It will shrink significantly about once a month and she might forget to buy more. If you can find it, Tony’s Chocolonely Dark Almond Sea Salt will make her love you for the rest of the week. Two bars and she’ll love you for the rest of the month.
  42. It is acceptable to use the Back Door for emergency coffee/chocolate runs.
  43. It is NOT acceptable to use the Back Door when Jake is after you because you’ve touched his lunch.
  44. Let Jenkins know when you’re going to use the Back Door so you won’t get stuck in the forests of Croatia while he is off in London visiting old friends.
  45. Recreational use of the Back Door is allowed, as long as your recreational activities are not illegal.
  46. If they are illegal, try not to get caught. Eve is not bailing you out.
  47. There is an emergency bedroom in the Annex for when you can’t (don’t want to) go home, but you’re not allowed to use it two nights in a row. Crashing at the place you work is not healthy.
  48. Everyone has emergency contacts. Even if you have no ties to anyone in the real world. Just write them down and give them to Jenkins.
  49. Try not to get hurt too much. Jenkins can always make more healing oil but it takes time and some of the ingredients are very expensive and hard to come by these days.
  50. Try not to die.




End file.
